Demystifying Love to harness its power in our life experiences

Abeer albashiti
4 min readJul 15, 2023

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Is Love a verb, an emotion, a state of mind, or all at once? Can we define it? How do we measure it? Why should we care to do that? What are love-defining actions? Are they subjective or universal? Can we learn how to love? And if so, how?

As humans, we fear the unknown; Love is one of them if we do not experience it right from childhood. Thus, we are responsible for educating and training ourselves to practice it so that love's muscle strengthens; this implies a willingness to learn, proact, react, reflect, and refine to maximize the benefit of all parties.

Many models are in the literature, and below are the most interesting. And, to harness their power, we combine them in a way that serves us based on our context, inner and outward experiences.

Model 1:

Quietening your mind and emotions, moving with the flow like riding waves. This shifts your inner leadership to your spiritual core to dominate the scene, where all the magic we need is there if we tap into it.

It gives you the power to connect with your inner voice through prayers, meditation, and mindfulness practices; these actions complement the voids or holes from the safe and sustainable place; “Our God”.

But how this affects our connections and relationships?

Suppose we are psychologically flexible, i.e., stable and at ease from within, able to adapt and cope with distress. In that case, we can build healthier and happier connections filled with warmth and intimacy, and this does not mean we will not face challenges, yet the bounce forward rate is high and achieved quickly.

Model 2:

Utilizing Gottman’s model of Love, built based on research using the “Love Lab,”. They proposed a triangle of three pillars for having a magical connection that is healthy, stable, and nurturing. It includes Trust, Calm, and Commitment. They get further by formulating equations that predict these pillars in real-time; it’s like a love meter. And the equation includes the following:

a. The startup of the conversation; how people start their conversations before influencing each other defines the dynamics. And, of course, an open, smiling posture is a great start for in-person communication, and virtual ones require more emotional awareness and intelligence.

b. Emotional inertia; how much time does it take for a person to stay emotional? People with high emotional inertia tend to dwell on a situation for a long time; they process emotions slowly, which is exhausting for the other party if they do not know that, yet it makes the relationship dynamics predictable for all. And people with low emotional inertia move on quickly, yet the relationship dynamics are less predictable and unstable as they don’t have well-defined borders.

c. The influence function of each party on another depends heavily on their memories together, expectations, the frame of the relationship, and their ability to resolve conflicts positively. The influence can be positive or negative; for both cases, a threshold amplifies toward repairing or devastating the relationship.

Model 3:

Being the architect of your life and relationships by redefining Love. A model proposed by Cynthia Ong looks into Love from an empowering perspective for all parties, i.e., we choose to give and serve without obligation, and if we can’t sacrifice, then shame and guilt are not dominating our minds.

She relies on the fact that we can love if we are capable of that without benchmarking our perception of Love with previously dysfunctional definitions of Love; sacrifices, giving more, pleasing others, seeking to be loveable, not courageous, don’t say no, among others.

All of the above are a great start, and employing them boosts our capability of learning and activating love in a way that serves us. Yet, our context, core values, timing, and previous experiences shape the extent of usage for each of them in our life experiences.

Love and faith are close friends; that’s why real faithful people are the most loving humans we can connect with; they perceive relationships as paths for practicing their faith by serving the greater good for all.

And leaving you with a final note, always share your love with others in a way that aligns with your core values; love enriches and delights our lives with priceless vibes.

#loveforall #lovewithease #livehealthylove

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Abeer albashiti

YOU can consider me as an enabler who loves to connect with people and lives a life of service :)